Nation’s Perverts Demand National Alert System for Hot Actresses Doing Nude Scenes

Proposed legislation would create an alert system which would even inform perverts when celebrities leave the house in revealing clothing.

In a move which many anonymous middle-aged men are calling “long overdue” and “4we5ome!”, Internet activist and celebrity boobs enthusiast Senor Flesh is calling for immediate legislative action to create a nation-wide and up-to-the-minute alert system that will inform the public when Hollywood actresses have filmed nude scenes.

“It is utterly insane that in this modern age, when information travels at the speed of light, that I had to find out that Anne Hathaway appears topless for a few seconds in this fall’s romantic comedy Love and Other Drugs because I happened to catch a three month-old rerun of Saturday Night Live in which her willingness to do nudity is the central joke in her monologue,” posted user Jigglin ASSange in a comment on the Mr. Skin website. “That movie’s not even in theatres anymore, and not on DVD yet, so I had to rely on low quality screenshots from the Internet in order to masturbate!”

Other lonely boob aficionados agree: johngaltlovedtits wonders “where was the government in this? Debating health care? It’s ridiculous!! It’s time they start spending tax dollars where it most effects my daily life–knowing what actresses I get to see nekkid and ideally at what exact time in the movie!” The politically savvy but socially inept blogger continued: “It’s not enough to know that Michelle Williams appears naked in Blue Valentine, we need to be told that it happens at the 32-minute, 40-minute, and again at the one hour, one minute-mark in the film… I’m a busy man and I don’t have time to watch the whole movie when all I care about is the mammage and butt cheekage. It’s why I voted for a Tea Party candidate and if he thinks he can ignore that promise, I have just one thing to say: the people elected you, we’re watching, and we can vote you out. Also, is there any way we can legislate that Scarlett Johansson must do at least one nude scene?”

Mr. Senor Flesh is hopeful that legislation will be fast-tracked, in spite of the current gridlock in Washington. After all, he says “Who doesn’t like boobs?”