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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford offers community leader an ice-cold Coke

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, in the wake of Monday’s devastating shooting incident in which two people were killed, today met with community leaders to discuss ways of addressing violence, gang membership, and opportunities in our most vulnerable neighbourhoods. In addition to urging a war on gangs, deporting immigrants or even Canadian citizens convicted of gun-related offences, and enrolling youth in football programs–the only social program that the Mayor believes actually helps people–Ford also took the unusual and unexpected step of offering everyone present a frosty can of Coca-Cola. “This was a tragic event, but it’s time to move on,” said the Mayor, “And in that spirit, I’d like to buy the world a Coke, out of my own pocket, because I don’t believe in government handouts.”

Police in Los Angeles are concerned by the recent string of deaths of Oscar-winning, extremely-elderly actors, and are investigating whether foul play is the cause. “My first reaction was ‘I didn’t even know Ernest Borgnine was still alive,'” explained Detective Martin McHale of the LAPD. “I didn’t give it much thought, even though I’m a huge fan of The Wild Bunch. But when I heard that Celeste Holm, also 95, had died, I started to wonder if something more sinister wasn’t going on.” Detective McHale, a member of the elite Movie Star Squad of the Homicide Division, says the case is open and ongoing.

While not ready to launch a full-scale investigation at this time, police are keeping an eye on Variety for any more leads. A separate investigation into the death of 85 year-old television star Andy Griffith under the lead of Homicide’s Second Tier (Television) Squad is being closely examined as possibly related. In recent years the Television Squad, once consigned to back offices and much smaller budgets, has grown in stature and influence, with even star detectives in the prime of their careers deciding to work there.

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