The Big Questions

Why is there something rather than nothing?

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

Why are so many people such assholes?

Do guys pee on the toilet seat at home as well?

Who cleans up after them?

Do they make someone else do it?

Or do they just sit in it, like the disgusting pigs that they are?

 

Baseball’s Offensive Team Names, Part III: American League Central

“I say, mind the uniform, old chap!”

Detroit Tigers – In the early days of the American League, the Tigers were one of the strongest teams on the field, but were also renowned for their womanizing off the field, in particular on the road, away from their wives and families: “Tigers in the bedroom, Tigers on the diamond,” it was often said. In the 1950s VD hit the team hard, and the team doctor demanded an end to the players’ promiscuous ways, which has been strict policy ever since, and around baseball the old saying has been modified: “Tigers on the diamond, kittens in the bedroom.”

Kansas City Royals – Not everyone in the 13 Colonies supported the revolution against King George III, and after the founding of the United States, some Loyalists moved back to Britain, some to Canada, and a few headed West, thinking to settle beyond the reach of the loutish colonial upstarts, and continue the fight against life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Some ended up in Missouri. The Yankees-Royals rivalry of the 1970s was seen by some as a continuation of a two hundred-year old struggle.

Minnesota Twins – Minnesota was the last state in the Union to officially ban intimate relations between siblings. Although the team name refers to the twin cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, some rival fans insist that it winks at the practice of incest and its even more lurid result.

Chicago White Sox – Fans from more blue collar neighbourhoods accuse the White Sox of being effete and pompous, and refusing to walk a mile in another man’s dirty, athlete’s foot-infested shoes. Cubs fans have always believed their team to be the grittier one, willing to dirty their uniforms if necessary to win games, and point to the immaculate white uniforms of their south side rivals with derision.

Cleveland Indians – Long-time supporters insist that their mascot Chief Wahoo respects Native Americans; when pressed to change a name that more and more Americans find culturally insensitive, the most popular options as voted on by fans are Cleavers, Rockers, and Pakis.