You are currently browsing the monthly archive for March 2014.


Overheating is apparent based on the reddening epidermis and wisps of smoke emanating from aural ports.

Overheating of the DougFordBot unit is apparent based on reddening epidermis and wisps of smoke emanating from aural ports.

Despite being created and bankrolled by Canada’s very own Kennedy clan, the Fords of Etobicoke, DougFordBot 2000 has been showing clear signs that something is wrong. Whether a hardware issue or faulty programming, the sophisticated robot millionaire/non-politician appears to be seriously malfunctioning, and endangering itself and everyone around it.

The evidence includes:

  • a subprogram is leaving uncomfortable and inhuman delays between each blink of the eyes
  • attack mode target has switched from “gravy train” and “lie-berals” to “Chief of Police”
  • “Let me ask you a question, Jackson Proskow of Earth… zzzzt! Global News.”
  • the Third Law of Robotics (“A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law”) has somehow been overwritten to replace “existence” with “FordFamily” with the part about “does not conflict” disappearing altogether
  • DougFordBot 2000 has started to believe that it was self-made and owes its wealth and privilege to its own efforts alone

Attempts at taking DougFordBot 2000 offline and initiating repairs have so far been unsuccessful because the unit has constantly placed itself in front of the media, making a discrete reboot impossible.

Flickr Photos

Twitter Updates

  • I like to think Doug Jones the actor, Doug Jones the Alabama senator, and Doug Jones the moustachioed relief pitcher are all the same guy. 1 day ago
  • Commercial with kid braving snowstorm to keep movie date--this 13-year old has a better love life than I do. 1 week ago
  • RT @TheTweetOfGod: I know for a fact that Donald Trump has a very small penis. Please retweet this enough that he can't help but respond.… 1 week ago
  • Just got cable TV for the first time since 2010. See you in 2018. Please send pizza. 2 weeks ago
  • "Maroon 5 is an assassination project! Start killing for me, Maroon 5--I don't like that *low number*" #heardonTTC 3 weeks ago

Blog Stats

  • 84,527 hits


Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 91 other followers