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“I do not screw these women because they are beautiful or easy, but because I am hard.”

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It’s been ten long years since Shania Twain dazzled us with her last pop-country masterpiece, Up!, leaving the world wondering, what’s next for the pride of Timmins, Ontario? In the years since retiring from making million-selling album after album and dedicating her life to her family, Shania has gone through a lot of changes, the most surprising of which was her conversion to Islam in 2009. Her new spirituality found its way into her music, but fans will be happy to know that her trademark sexiness and sense of fun remain, even if she’s changed her name, and her entire outlook on life. On this new self-titled album, Sharia Twain, you’ll find all of these great, toe-tapping songs, sure to reach the top of the charts, Allah (PBUH) willing:

  • Man! May I Be Permitted to Feel Like a Woman?
  • Infidel of Mine
  • Forever and For Allah
  • What Made You Fatwa?
  • Allah’s Gonna Getcha for That
  • The Koran in Me (Needs the Man in You)
  • (If You’re Not in It for Love) I’m Stoning You!
  • You’re Still Imam
  • That Don’t Impress Allah
  • Thank You Allah! (For Makin’ Jihad Come So Soon)

There is a tradition of certain matchups in baseball being given nicknames, e.g. when the Mets and Yankees met in the World Series in 2000 it was named “The Subway Series” (and not because it was sponsored by Subway sandwiches). When the A’s and Giants met in the 1989 series, it was deemed “The Bay Series” because both Oakland and San Francisco border on San Francisco Bay. Here are some potential matchups for the 2012 World Series and the obscure connections that might help in determining what to label them for posterity:

A’s vs Cardinals = I-70 Series (the A’s used to play in Kansas City, Missouri)

Orioles vs Cardinals = For the Birds or St. Louis Series (the Orioles used to play in St. Louis as the Browns)

Giants vs Yankees = Transcontinental Subway Series (the Giants used to play in New York)

Rangers vs Nationals = Battle for Washington (the Rangers moved from Washington and played there as the Senators)

Orioles vs Reds = Earth Tone Series (the Orioles were formerly the Browns)

A’s vs Giants = Earthquake Series (when they met each other in the 1989 World Series, there actually was an earthquake)

Giants vs Orioles = Big vs Small (the mascot of the Browns was a pixie, which are very small mythical creatures)

Rangers vs Braves = Cowboys ‘n Indians (The Texas Rangers enforced the law in the Wild West)

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