You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October 2014.

Life used to be so much simpler: Work, School, Home, Church. These were the building blocks of American society.

But now our children question everything. The average person will have a dozen jobs in their lifetime. Even a college degree won’t guarantee a good living. Kids would rather play Grand Theft Auto and sext than sit down for a nice home-cooked meal. And church attendance is lower than ever.

That’s why the Church needs to fight back. If we don’t give our children a reason to go to Church we may lose them forever.

It’s why Our Lady of Third Pentecostal does things a little differently. Sure, we have sermons and hymns and prayers. We do weddings; we do funerals. We’re a full-service Christian institution in every way.

But we also understand the need to stand out from the crowd. We understand that kids are turning away from the Lord in droves. That’s why we put the “fun” in fundamental.

Here are a few of the things we offer:

  • Rock-climbing walls
  • PlayStation
  • Taylor Swift karaoke
  • Skateboarding
  • Naughty cosplay
  • Softball league
  • Scripture Jeopardy!
  • Rainbow parties

Now, if all this won’t bring your children to Church, then maybe the Church doesn’t want them. (Kidding! The Church wants all your children. Every last one of them.)

cincinnati redsChicago Cubs – There was a time when baseball was America’s pastime and the sport held the allegiance of all right-thinking people, but football has since supplanted it in the hearts of an increasingly conservative populace. In a more innocent age, Cubs were a perfectly acceptable mascot, but football demanded more machismo, and so it was that Chicago’s team became the Bears, in an effort to one-up the beloved baseball team. Bears were big, burly, and tough, while Cubs–or worse still, Cubbies–were derided as less manly. Of course, after the sexual revolution of the 1970s, the irony of big, hairy men who rolled around in the grass together and were prone to patting each other on their butts being seen as exemplars of heterosexual toughness became apparent. The Cubs, meanwhile, remain simple adorable losers, with little sexual identity whatsoever.

Milwaukee Brewers – During Prohibition, Milwaukee, which had long been known as a centre of beer production, struggled mightily. Looking to save their businesses, the breweries diversified their products to include colas and root beers. Al Capone took advantage of the situation and arranged for the smuggling of illicit booze into Chicago from nearby Milwaukee. Always eager to conceal his criminal operations behind a veneer of legitimate business, Capone owned a company that supplied public school cafeterias with soft drinks. In 1927 his entire operation was almost brought to its knees when alcohol meant for speakeasies was accidentally shipped to grammar schools, resulting in mass drunkenness amongst Chicago’s 5 to 8-year olds. Capone managed to shift the blame to the Milwaukee breweries, which were shut down for the remainder of Prohibition, and the entire city, by extension, was vilified as a den of iniquity. In Chicago, ever since, a “Milwaukee Brewer” has meant someone who serves alcohol to minors.

St. Louis Cardinals – Catholics were once viewed with as much suspicion in America as Muslims and Scientologists are today. In fact, the main targets of the Ku Klux Klan after African Americans were Catholics. St. Louis, for a time the biggest city on the Frontier, and the Gateway to the West, once had two baseball teams: the Browns and the still-extant Cardinals. Much like Rangers and Celtic in Glasgow, the teams garnered support from opposite sides of the spiritual divide. The pious and unprepossessing Browns were the choice of dour Protestants, while the Cardinals, as much as they tried to hide their papal allegiance behind their bird mascot, were Catholic to the marrow. For the many born-again Christians who don’t believe Catholics are Christians, the Cardinals still represent a fifth column in the heart of the Mid-West.

Pittsburgh Pirates – At the height of their success in the nineteen-oughts, the Pirates were the preeminent base stealers in baseball, but off the diamond were notorious ladies men, apt to steal your best gal from under your nose. This reputation took a severe hit in the 1970s with the rise to prominence of the homely Kent Tekulve, and was well and truly put to rest with the addition of the monstrously ugly Zane Smith in the 1980s.

Cincinnati Reds – Dirty Commies. Still, twenty-five years after the fall of the Berlin Wall? You betcha.

IMG_0871.JPG

Flickr Photos

Twitter Updates

  • The House Unamerican Activities Committee: did they ever think "maybe we oughtta look at the KKK"? 20 hours ago
  • I'll be in Windsor this weekend, when do you open on Saturday for soccer @Manchester_buzz ? Looking to watch Chelsea game 1 week ago
  • Man, it's a hot one. Like 17.5cm from the midday sun. 1 month ago
  • You'd better believe I have ongoing feuds with the TV too, but who'd listen to me? 1 month ago
  • I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. Bad idea! Turns out that's illegal, even in Nevada. 1 month ago

Blog Stats

  • 84,218 hits

Pages

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 90 other followers