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"I say, mind the uniform, old chap!"

“I say, mind the uniform, old chap!”

Detroit Tigers – In the early days of the American League, the Tigers were one of the strongest teams on the field, but were also renowned for their womanizing off the field, in particular on the road, away from their wives and families: “Tigers in the bedroom, Tigers on the diamond,” it was often said. In the 1950s VD hit the team hard, and the team doctor demanded an end to the players’ promiscuous ways, which has been strict policy ever since, and around baseball the old saying has been modified: “Tigers on the diamond, kittens in the bedroom.”

Kansas City Royals – Not everyone in the 13 Colonies supported the revolution against King George III, and after the founding of the United States, some Loyalists moved back to Britain, some to Canada, and a few headed West, thinking to settle beyond the reach of the loutish colonial upstarts, and continue the fight against life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Some ended up in Missouri. The Yankees-Royals rivalry of the 1970s was seen by some as a continuation of a two hundred-year old struggle.

Minnesota Twins – Minnesota was the last state in the Union to officially ban intimate relations between siblings. Although the team name refers to the twin cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, some rival fans insist that it winks at the practice of incest and its even more lurid result.

Chicago White Sox – Fans from more blue collar neighbourhoods accuse the White Sox of being effete and pompous, and refusing to walk a mile in another man’s dirty, athlete’s foot-infested shoes. Cubs fans have always believed their team to be the grittier one, willing to dirty their uniforms if necessary to win games, and point to the immaculate white uniforms of their south side rivals with derision.

Cleveland Indians – Long-time supporters insist that their mascot Chief Wahoo respects Native Americans; when pressed to change a name that more and more Americans find culturally insensitive, the most popular options as voted on by fans are Cleavers, Rockers, and Pakis.

The Kansas City Royals, at 21-29 and 1 1/2 games ahead of the Cleveland Indians in the American League Central standings, are “enjoying the ride,” according to manager Ned Yost.  “I tell ya, it’s a pretty heady feeling, having this kind of sustained success,” said the jubilant Yost, whose .600 winning percentage in his two-plus weeks with the team puts him ahead of Whitey Herzog (.574) in the history of a franchise that up until 25 years ago was considered one of the top organizations in baseball.  “It’s a pretty good feeling to have your name up there with such legends of the game as Whitey and Dick [Howser], and if what I’ve seen over the last two weeks is any indication of the true talent of this team, there’s nowhere we can go but up,” said Yost, apparently referring to stats like Alberto Callaspo’s 12 RBIs since May 13th, or Kyle Davies’ 2-2, 4.09 ERA record over the same period. Yost, who managed the Milwaukee Brewers of the National League for several years, seems to have no knowledge of his new team since the Brewers and Royals were both in the American League fifteen years ago.  “My big regret is that George Brett retired before I had a chance to manage this team, because with a sure Hall-of-Famer like that and the group of young guys I’ve got, we’d be a lock for the division every single year,” proclaimed Yost, who then asked when Mark Gubicza would be returning from the disabled list.

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