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World_Series_TrophyAfter the New York Yankees beat the Los Angeles Angels to claim their 40th American League pennant, and with their 40th visit to the Fall Classic starting tomorrow, Major League Baseball is considering some changes to the storied competition to crown baseball’s best team.

Presented each year to the National League or American League team that wins the World Series, the Commissioner’s Cup has been won 26 times by the Yankees, by far more than any other team.  This translates to one out of every four World Series wins going to the Yankees, although the team has faced a serious drought in recent years, not having been to the World Series since 2003, and not having won it since 2000, as Yankees captain Derek Jeter and every single broadcaster working today never tire of reminding us.  In a move reminiscent of the Royal Yacht Squadron Cup being renamed the America’s Cup after its first winner, discussions are taking place to rename the Commissioner’s Cup the Yankees Cup.

Currently 162 regular season games plus two rounds of playoffs determine the teams that play each other in the World Series.  Under proposed changes, if the team that wins the American League Championship Series doesn’t feature pinstripes as part of their uniform, they will be replaced by the New York Yankees.

Controversially, home-field advantage for the World Series is now decided in favour of the League whose team wins the All-Star Game in July.  In the future, the advantage would go to whichever team lost its franchise player to the Yankees in the most recent free agent offseason, unless the Yankees are one of the teams, in which case they, of course, will receive home-field advantage.

The National Anthem will now be sung before each World Series game by whichever singer/actress/model/stripper Alex Rodriguez is currently dating.  If the Toronto Blue Jays make it to the World Series, the Canadian National Anthem will be performed by former Yankee Bernie Williams on jazz guitar.

World Series games featuring the Yankess will be broadcast in prime time on all major networks, interrupting your regularly-scheduled programming. Games featuring any other team will be run on tape-delay after midnight on Fox, with a broadcast team of Tim McCarver and Joe Morgan, who will mostly talk about themselves.

Bill and Hillary ClintonA story from the Associated Press intended as a light-hearted piece on former President Bill Clinton and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton instead revealed that the couple have a completely different notion of the meaning of the “5 People You Meet in Heaven” list, based on Mitch Albom’s bestselling book.  The novel, about a man named Eddie who “finds himself in heaven where he encounters five people who have significantly effected his life, whether he realized at the time or not,” reflects on the importance of even the simplest of lives, and how we all matter.  Asked to imagine the people no longer with us who effected their lives deeply, and who they might meet in heaven, the Clintons gave radically different answers.

Hillary:

  1. Her grandmother, an inspirational and tough pioneer
  2. Indira Gandhi, Indian Prime Minister
  3. Sylvia Plath, Poet and Novelist
  4. Eva Peron, Argentinian political icon
  5. Andrea Dworkin, American radical feminist

Bill:

  1. Heidi Klum, model (not deceased)
  2. Tera Patrick, porn star (definitely not dead)
  3. Wilt Chamberlain, basketball legend and renowned ladies’ man
  4. Hugh Hefner, Playboy founder and pajamas-wearer (alive)
  5. John F. Kennedy, philanderer and President of the United States

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