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NOT Terri "Cup Cake" O'Mason!

This is just a fantastic record, and a snapshot of a world before the Internet, before DVDs, before videotape, even before X-rated movie houses in the 70s. It’s sly, from the amateurish photo of an awkwardly-positioned naked woman sprawled out on the kind of carpet I haven’t seen in forever, to the admonition “Songs for Adults Only” on the cover, to the use of not only the word “sexation” but also “sexcitement” in describing Ms. O’Mason. This was a record that was no doubt sold under the counter and hidden from the wife–not to mention the children!–at home. But it’s charming that what’s on offer here was once considered so scandalous (“Her material is original… considered the most tantalizing, daringly naughty double-entendre humor ever written.”), because now the whole endeavour is rather quaint and fun, rather than sexy and provocative.

When we think of stag parties we might imagine strippers or blue movies, but this record is neither. “In nightclubs, critics have gone wild for the O’Mason ditties, but her torrid tales of fun and frolic on record brings a brand of excitement that goes a good cut beyond the entertainment of the sophisticated bistro.” Her songs are surprisingly clever, and while they centre on sex, they’re more accurately playful comments on social mores. Songs like “Cup Cakes” (“He liked to nibble on my cup cakes”) and “My First Piece” appear alongside more cautionary tales such as “Hangover Blues” and “I’m Late” (“… and it’s not my rent that’s overdue!”). In a repressed time like the 50s, this was hot stuff!

Other records available from Fax Records are advertised on the back, including The Erotic Delights of Lady CBawdy BalladsNights of Love in LesbosThe Uncensored Humor of Bert Henry, and (not to be outdone), Position is Everything with Bert Henry.

Proposed legislation would create an alert system which would even inform perverts when celebrities leave the house in revealing clothing.

In a move which many anonymous middle-aged men are calling “long overdue” and “4we5ome!”, Internet activist and celebrity boobs enthusiast Senor Flesh is calling for immediate legislative action to create a nation-wide and up-to-the-minute alert system that will inform the public when Hollywood actresses have filmed nude scenes.

“It is utterly insane that in this modern age, when information travels at the speed of light, that I had to find out that Anne Hathaway appears topless for a few seconds in this fall’s romantic comedy Love and Other Drugs because I happened to catch a three month-old rerun of Saturday Night Live in which her willingness to do nudity is the central joke in her monologue,” posted user Jigglin ASSange in a comment on the Mr. Skin website. “That movie’s not even in theatres anymore, and not on DVD yet, so I had to rely on low quality screenshots from the Internet in order to masturbate!”

Other lonely boob aficionados agree: johngaltlovedtits wonders “where was the government in this? Debating health care? It’s ridiculous!! It’s time they start spending tax dollars where it most effects my daily life–knowing what actresses I get to see nekkid and ideally at what exact time in the movie!” The politically savvy but socially inept blogger continued: “It’s not enough to know that Michelle Williams appears naked in Blue Valentine, we need to be told that it happens at the 32-minute, 40-minute, and again at the one hour, one minute-mark in the film… I’m a busy man and I don’t have time to watch the whole movie when all I care about is the mammage and butt cheekage. It’s why I voted for a Tea Party candidate and if he thinks he can ignore that promise, I have just one thing to say: the people elected you, we’re watching, and we can vote you out. Also, is there any way we can legislate that Scarlett Johansson must do at least one nude scene?”

Mr. Senor Flesh is hopeful that legislation will be fast-tracked, in spite of the current gridlock in Washington. After all, he says “Who doesn’t like boobs?”

Twitter Updates

  • It’s weird to think that Richard Benjamin was a huge movie star in the 70s 2 weeks ago
  • Saka, Xhaka, Wan-Bissaka #ARSMUN 3 weeks ago
  • I like that when there’s pasta in soup, and you leave it sit for a while, the soup becomes stew #foodie 1 month ago
  • RT @ohnoitskarin: A thing I think about a lot is the time that a boss told me that I needed to speak more softly and gently to be perceived… 2 months ago
  • There’s no sexier word in Canada right now than “coalition” 3 months ago


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