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In a recent speech, U.S. Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney spoke about American exceptionalism, and his belief that God has big plans for the United States. In fact, Romney believes that God (not just some Mormon God, because Romney also wants you to know that he believes in the same God as you do, as long as you’re a Christian, because he’s a Christian too, even thought most Americans believe Mormonism is a cult and not Christian at all–much like many evangelicals believe Catholics aren’t really Christians either) created the United States for a higher purpose, which hasn’t been fulfilled, despite fears that American hegemony is over and that China will soon rule the world. Not so! says Romney. America is just getting started! The twenty-first century will be a century of American dominance! The United States remains a beacon to all freedom-loving peoples everywhere, with the possible exception of the French! America is not done with you yet, planet Earth!
In light of Romney’s confidence in the ongoing supremacy of the United States, it’s interesting to look at the rest of his speech, in order to see what he believes God’s plan is for some other countries. After all, this could be the next President of the United States of America, and the rest of us ought to know where we stand in Mitt’s vision of the coming world order.
Russia – supplier of mail order brides and strippers
Canada – buffer between America and Sarah Palin’s Alaska
Afghanistan – cudgel to criticize your predecessor’s foreign policy
Iran – beards and poignant but little-seen cinema
Great Britain – royalty we pretend to hate but secretly envy
Tunisia – setting for George Lucas Jr.’s Star Wars sequels
Colombia – cocaine to fuel America’s need to condemn drug use
Mexico – drug wars to scare America and keep border fences high and wages low
Japan – to prove to everyone that the U.S. will drop the bomb if they don’t behave
North Korea – a reminder that Communism is evil and America kicked its ass
