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Rob Ford DrunkOK, I know what you’re thinking–“Dude, lay off the Mayor… the ‘Rob Ford is a drunk’ stories are so three weeks ago!” But at the time those stories came out, I had become so disillusioned with our Mayor that I couldn’t even bring myself to make fun of him. It was all just too much, too embarrassing, too constant, his foibles and missteps. Maybe I even felt bad for him. Had a line been crossed? Had the media delved too far into his personal life? Where should the line be drawn between public and personal lives anyway? So the Mayor likes to drink; so do I. Sometimes he drinks too much; so do I. What would I think if certain of my escapades had become front-page fodder? Had we reached the point where Rob Ford’s everyman appeal had found a resonance with my own values?


But more than anything I just wanted to be reading about important issues facing Toronto–the potential for a downtown casino, how we’re going to pay to fight gridlock, in general making this city a better place–and not about Mayor Ford’s personal troubles.

Since the headlines questioning Ford’s drinking habits, he’s actually kept his nose pretty clean: no new scandals. Sure, he still says stupid things, and I still disagree with almost every opinion that comes out of his mouth, but at least he’s been talking about policies, and taxes, and a vision for the city, even if his vision is amazingly petty and narrow.

But in my own way, I’m petty, too. And I just couldn’t let these jokes at the Mayor’s expense sit unused, languishing in the recesses of my notebook. Let’s hope that these kinds of jokes represent the past, and that we won’t see their like again; let’s hope that when we talk about Rob Ford in the future, it’ll be about his politics, not his behaviour.

Your Coverage of City Hall Makes the Mayor Drink

“Just a little sippy before this transit vote…”

“I can stop anytime I want, just like I stopped the gravy train. Boom! See what I did there?”

Toronto: Where Proposing a Toast to the Mayor’s Health is Now a Controversial Political Act

“Forget subways–what I really want is a motorboat, ifyaknowhatimean!”

In all seriousness, I hope that if Rob Ford has problems with alcohol or drugs, that he gets the help he needs, and listens to those close to him who care about him and risked so much by talking to the media.

As reported in the Globe and Mail, National Post, and Toronto Star, a Toronto Public School has banned balls–with the exception of Nerf balls–from school property after some unfortunate injuries to students and a parent. I don’t really have a comment, I just wanted to thank the newspapers and the Internet for providing me with so many opportunities to giggle inappropriately and immaturely. I haven’t laughed this much since last year’s infamous “Public Works promises to fill up every hole and find every crack” campaign, not to mention 2004’s “What does the city propose to do about our nuts?” kerfuffle.

Citing safety, Toronto school takes brave stand against balls.

Balls have been removed from the playground at the Earl Beatty Public School in Toronto.

After several “serious incidents” where people were “almost struck” by flying balls, and one person was tragically bonked on the head, a Toronto elementary school has cracked down.

Students rebel against Toronto schoolyard ban on balls.

“It was total disregard for rules and total disrespect,” said Principal Alicia Fernandez, adding that parents, teachers and students have all been struck by rogue balls.

“We have very limited space in the playground, so it’s hard to monitor those balls as they’re flying around,” Ms. Fernandez said.

“I think they need these balls because they have a small schoolyard and that if they’re not going be able to play [with them] they might be picking up rocks, or the pinecones,” said Ms. White. “They need some kind of bouncy ball. Every kid does.”

Students at Earl Beatty Public School revolt: ‘We want our balls back.’

“We want our balls back! We want our balls back!” they chanted as supervisors in fluorescent vests shooed them away from the edge of the property and reporters gathered on the other side the fence.

“They’re indoor balls,” said 13-year-old Annabelle Grant, a Grade 8 student. “If we don’t have (real) balls we won’t be as active.”

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