You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Star Wars’ tag.

Adorable BB-8!

BB-8’s mom

BB-8 was certainly a highlight of The Force Awakens. But what are the origins of this adorable addition to the cast, and why does he seem to have such an affinity for R2-D2? Well, The Last Jedi will reveal that Artoo is BB-8’s father, having had droid sex with a beachball.

There was a lot of controversy when Finn was revealed as a discouraging amount of fans found it hard to accept a Black Stormtrooper. Of course, no one worried too much about how it was that, if they were all clones of Django Fett, none of them had New Zealand accents. It’s clear that Finn isn’t a clone, but then where did he come from? The truth will finally be revealed: Finn’s father is none other than Lando Calrissian, and his mother a fine-ass lady Stormtrooper with a taste for Colt 45 and Bespin gas.

And what about the mysterious Rey? Two words: midichlorians, baby! They’re back, and out to prove that Anakin’s virgin birth was no fluke. The midichlorians don’t like the way the galaxy is headed–not one bit–and decided to get back into the game, big time! But what will happen when off-the-charts-midichlorian Rey meets grandson-of-midichlorian-baby Kylo Ren? SPARKS.

Poe Dameron was a pretty cool character, and we all hope to get to know him a little better in The Last Jedi. Where did he get those sick piloting skills, as well as his steely resolve and dedication to the Rebel cause? Well, it seems like a certain Wedge Antilles hooked up with none other than Mon Mothma before the attack on the original Death Star. Neither were sure they’d survive and we all know how passion can come out in moments of existential uncertainty. The result, nine months later, was Poe, and he has carried on the fight, making dad and mon proud.

 

Advertisements

Screwbacca

Han Job Solo

Leia Orgasma

Lick Skyfucker

Dorothy Stratten as Galaxina

Dorothy Stratten as Galaxina

Natalie Portman as Padme

Natalie Portman as Padme

V for Gra-V Train

V for Gra-V Train

I get the impression that if Mayor Rob Ford watched any movies besides Cobra he’d fundamentally misunderstand the point anyway. He’d watch V for Vendetta and imagine himself and the Progressive Conservatives in the role of V, with the climactic scene of 10,000 V-masked protesters finally taking a stand against their unfeeling and repressive government reimagined as Ford Nation in Rob masks descending on City Hall to put an end to the Gravy Train.

Or picture this: a brutal general asks “Who is Rob Ford?” and one by one the beaten-down masses rise up and declare, “I’m Rob Ford!” “No, I’m Rob Ford!!”

Doug Ford would sympathize with Anakin Skywalker, slaughtering the young Jedi padawans, all for the greater good, and to protect the neighbourhood.

Star Wars Landspeeder with Luke Skywalker Action Figure

Righteous Indignation

David Bowie Sound + Vision CD Box Set

Moral Audacity

Monkey Hand Puppet

Hysterical Frenzy

Trivial Pursuit Silver Screen Edition

Conscientious Objection

Planet of the Apes DVD Collection

Venomous Bile

Slippers

20120527-095355.jpg

In a recent speech, U.S. Republican Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney spoke about American exceptionalism, and his belief that God has big plans for the United States. In fact, Romney believes that God (not just some Mormon God, because Romney also wants you to know that he believes in the same God as you do, as long as you’re a Christian, because he’s a Christian too, even thought most Americans believe Mormonism is a cult and not Christian at all–much like many evangelicals believe Catholics aren’t really Christians either) created the United States for a higher purpose, which hasn’t been fulfilled, despite fears that American hegemony is over and that China will soon rule the world. Not so! says Romney. America is just getting started! The twenty-first century will be a century of American dominance! The United States remains a beacon to all freedom-loving peoples everywhere, with the possible exception of the French! America is not done with you yet, planet Earth!

In light of Romney’s confidence in the ongoing supremacy of the United States, it’s interesting to look at the rest of his speech, in order to see what he believes God’s plan is for some other countries. After all, this could be the next President of the United States of America, and the rest of us ought to know where we stand in Mitt’s vision of the coming world order.

Russia – supplier of mail order brides and strippers

Canada – buffer between America and Sarah Palin’s Alaska

Afghanistan – cudgel to criticize your predecessor’s foreign policy

Iran – beards and poignant but little-seen cinema

Great Britain – royalty we pretend to hate but secretly envy

Tunisia – setting for George Lucas Jr.’s Star Wars sequels

Colombia – cocaine to fuel America’s need to condemn drug use

Mexico – drug wars to scare America and keep border fences high and wages low

Japan – to prove to everyone that the U.S. will drop the bomb if they don’t behave

North Korea – a reminder that Communism is evil and America kicked its ass

Flickr Photos

Twitter Updates

  • I like to think Doug Jones the actor, Doug Jones the Alabama senator, and Doug Jones the moustachioed relief pitcher are all the same guy. 1 day ago
  • Commercial with kid braving snowstorm to keep movie date--this 13-year old has a better love life than I do. 1 week ago
  • RT @TheTweetOfGod: I know for a fact that Donald Trump has a very small penis. Please retweet this enough that he can't help but respond.… 1 week ago
  • Just got cable TV for the first time since 2010. See you in 2018. Please send pizza. 2 weeks ago
  • "Maroon 5 is an assassination project! Start killing for me, Maroon 5--I don't like that *low number*" #heardonTTC 3 weeks ago

Blog Stats

  • 84,527 hits

Pages

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 91 other followers