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Prettier Woman – 70-year old Richard Gere trades in Julia Roberts’ reformed prostitute for a younger model, then becomes President even though he’s completely unqualified and shows clear signs of dementia

Faster Times at Ridgemont High – Spicolli, once the coolest teacher at Ridgemont High, struggles to keep up with technology, social media, and the school’s deadly opioid crisis

Blacker Rain – murder calls Michael Douglas back to Japan and he is SO. OVER. THIS. SHIT.

Riskier Business – Tom Cruise is off on a business trip but can he trust his daughter (Game of Thrones’ Maisie Williams) home alone… and with his car keys?!

A Few More Good Men – When Jack Nicholson sues for their part in his conviction, Cruise and Moore are gonna need the best legal team the military can provide… say hello to Jennifer Lawrence and Jaden Smith as JAG’s hottest defence attorneys!


wrestler_2In a sign that Mickey Rourke’s bad-boy days aren’t entirely behind him, the Academy Award nominee has proposed that the tight competition for Best Actor be settled by an old-school wrestling match.  “This promises to be one of the toughest races Oscar has seen in years,” said the star of The Wrestler, the best-reviewed but least honoured movie of 2008, “and it only seems fair that the eventual winner should really have to earn the title.”  The category has everything: Pretty Boy Whose Looks Overshadow His Talent (Brad Pitt), Pure Talent Whose Intensity Intimidates Everyone (Sean Penn), Guy Who Everyone Has Seen In Some Movie But Couldn’t Name If Their Lives Depended On It (Richard Jenkins), and Dude Who Played Dracula and Skeletor (Frank Langella).  Rourke sees his best chance coming down to a sheer test of physical strength and stamina: “Fight Club?  C’mon–who couldn’t beat up Edward Norton?”  Little does he know that Richard Jenkins was a Green Beret before making his big-screen debut in the 1985 western Silverado.

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