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Carefree Wherever You May Be

“Carefree Wherever You May Be” with model Rollie from ninjakillercat.co.uk

Although I grew up with dogs as pets and a baseball fan, tastes change, and now I love cats and soccer. Lately I’ve been thinking about getting another cat, and the thought of naming it to honour my favourite team, Chelsea, has crossed my mind. Cat lovers, above all other pet owners, seem to be fond of giving their furry companions grandiose and/or punny names. And I’m certainly at a time in my life when I should be allowed to be eccentric… Keep the Freak Flag Flying High! So here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

  • Super, Super Furry Lampard – after the song for club legend “Super Frankie” Lampard
  • Gary Cat-ill – this is just horrible, and I know it, don’t worry!
  • Thibault Cat-ois – is he the best goalie in the world? Is kitty got the fluffiest tummy?
  • Tabby Courtois – keep in mind that I don’t have the cat yet, and this only works if it’s a tabby
  • Florent Meow-louda – Malouda played for Chelsea when I first started watching them
  • Stam-fur Bridge – the home of Chelsea since their inception in 1905, Stamford Bridge

These are all OK (except Gary Cat-ill, of course), but I’ve saved the best for last:

  • Jose Meow-rinho
  • Kitty A. Drogba

Help me choose between them! But keep in mind, this poor cat will have to live with this silly name, whether Chelsea are winning the league at a canter like in 2014-15, or losing in every possible way in 2015-16.

* * * * *

Just for fun, in case I can ever afford to live in a house and can get a dog (I still love them, too!), here are a few Chelsea dog names:

  • Os-cur
  • John Terrier
  • Didier Dogba
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Police in Los Angeles are concerned by the recent string of deaths of Oscar-winning, extremely-elderly actors, and are investigating whether foul play is the cause. “My first reaction was ‘I didn’t even know Ernest Borgnine was still alive,'” explained Detective Martin McHale of the LAPD. “I didn’t give it much thought, even though I’m a huge fan of The Wild Bunch. But when I heard that Celeste Holm, also 95, had died, I started to wonder if something more sinister wasn’t going on.” Detective McHale, a member of the elite Movie Star Squad of the Homicide Division, says the case is open and ongoing.

While not ready to launch a full-scale investigation at this time, police are keeping an eye on Variety for any more leads. A separate investigation into the death of 85 year-old television star Andy Griffith under the lead of Homicide’s Second Tier (Television) Squad is being closely examined as possibly related. In recent years the Television Squad, once consigned to back offices and much smaller budgets, has grown in stature and influence, with even star detectives in the prime of their careers deciding to work there.

wrestler_2In a sign that Mickey Rourke’s bad-boy days aren’t entirely behind him, the Academy Award nominee has proposed that the tight competition for Best Actor be settled by an old-school wrestling match.  “This promises to be one of the toughest races Oscar has seen in years,” said the star of The Wrestler, the best-reviewed but least honoured movie of 2008, “and it only seems fair that the eventual winner should really have to earn the title.”  The category has everything: Pretty Boy Whose Looks Overshadow His Talent (Brad Pitt), Pure Talent Whose Intensity Intimidates Everyone (Sean Penn), Guy Who Everyone Has Seen In Some Movie But Couldn’t Name If Their Lives Depended On It (Richard Jenkins), and Dude Who Played Dracula and Skeletor (Frank Langella).  Rourke sees his best chance coming down to a sheer test of physical strength and stamina: “Fight Club?  C’mon–who couldn’t beat up Edward Norton?”  Little does he know that Richard Jenkins was a Green Beret before making his big-screen debut in the 1985 western Silverado.

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