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These are the names of actual baseball players on the Texas Rangers roster in 2015:

Rougned (Roogie, Stinky) Odor

Stolmy Pimentel

Keone Kela

Tanner Scheppers

Okay, I have to admit, “Stinky” Odor is one of the best nicknames of all time, right up there with Johnny “Ugly” Dickshot. Well done.

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Sportscaster Chris Berman is well known for the use of puns to make nicknames for athletes (e.g. calling Baseball Hall of Fame starting pitcher Bert Blyleven Bert “Be Home” Blyleven, a pun on the phrase “be home by eleven.” But did you know that Berman initially had his heart set on being a literary critic? In fact, it was in his literary writing that his nicknaming schtick began… and is the reason he was handed a lifetime ban from publishing in every literary journal in North America and parts of Africa. For the first time in thirty years, some of Berman’s “best” literary nicknames are seeing the light of day, exclusive to this blog.

  • Leo “For Whom the Bell” Tolstoy
  • Ezra “In for a Penny, in for a” Pound
  • Joseph “Heaven and” Heller
  • Charles “What the” Dickens
  • Margaret “Double, Double, Toil and” Drabble

The Center for Poor Karma & Pain sincerely apologizes.

Over the years, baseball has had its share of characters, with many colourful nicknames, from the Sultan of Swat to the Mad Hungarian to ManRam.  But there are also many players whose given names are just as unusual, and more importantly, difficult to spell.  Here is the all-time list, by position:

C – Manny Sanguillen

1B – Doug Mentkiewicz

2B – Mark Grudzielanek

3B – Mike Pagliarulo

SS – Robert Eenhoorn

OF – Carl Yastrzemski

OF – Ted Uhlaender

OF – Johnny Wyrostek

SP – Scott Kamieniecki

Fritz Ostermueller

RP – Scott Schoeneweis

Tom Niedenfuer

And to make sure everyone’s following the rules, Umpire Nestor Chylak.

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