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Tiny Cars for Tiny Hands?

Tiny Cars for Tiny Hands?

Reading Rainbow – encourages children to read books but never has an episode about The Art of the Deal. Sad!

Planned Parenthood – who needs to plan parenthood? Just grab ‘em by the pussy and whatever happens, happens. (Always have a rock-solid pre-nup though, since women are always after your money.)

The Shriners – Anti-American tiny cars. When did America stop winning? When we stopped having big cars. Also, those things don’t run on coal so they’re destroying American jobs!

4-H Club – Animal husbandry, are you kidding me? Marriage is supposed to be between one man and one woman, then another woman whenever he wants to switch things up.

The Democrats – Losers. Always whining about how they won the popular vote. Since when is being President a popularity contest? By the way, they didn’t actually win the popular vote, I did. If I’d wanted to win the popular vote I would have done it. Next time I will, believe me. Looking to beat Stalin’s record of 99.9% in 2020!

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Q: Which month has 29 days?

A: All of them!

That’s an old, stupid joke, meant to prey upon misrepresentation of facts and the eagerness of people to think they’re clever. I mean really, when someone asks you a question like that, you know it has to be a joke or a trick of some kind, but most of us still answer February, because we think that’s the smart answer, even though if we were smarter we’d know we were being set up for a punchline.

You’ll often hear about someone born on February 29th celebrating their “fourth” birthday when they’re really 16, as if a year only passes when it hits a certain calendar date. Perhaps we should just induce birth so that no one is born on the 29th. That would settle that debate real good. On the other hand, if I had a child, I’d love for it to be born on February 29th, so that I’d only have to buy it presents once every four years. That’s the reason I got married on the 29th.

Today I was thinking about the old saying about March coming in and leaving like either a lamb or a lion… but if it’s a leap year, and February 29th is like a lion, and March 1st is like a lamb, I think we’ve been cheated.

Every leap year, a donkey and an elephant poke their heads out of their dens and say, “Shit, this is the guy we have to vote for as President this year?”

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