You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘jokes’ tag.

There’s a lot of talk these days about white privilege, but if it really exists why aren’t I allowed to do my Buckwheat impression?

Morrissey walks into a bar looking sad and the bartender decides to tell him a joke to cheer him up, saying “Stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before…”

Advertisements

A polar bear walks into a bar and says “I’d like a rum… and coke.”

The bartender says “Sure, but what’s with the lacuna?”

The polar bear replies “I have always been a great fan of Greek poetic forms.” *

 

* Originally (as heard on CBC Radio): 

A polar bear walks into a bar and says “I’d like a rum… and coke.”

The bartender says “Sure, but what’s with the pause?”

The polar bear replies “I’ve had them all my life!”

Incipient bacon

Jews aren’t allowed to eat bacon because God wants all of it for himself.

This line came to me at work today and I blurted it out, to general amusement. But I immediately started to doubt myself, thinking “did I come up with this joke on my own, or am I repeating something I heard once but forgot?”

This is the problem with jokes, or inspiration in general: how do you know you were the originator? Especially when it’s a tiny nugget of an idea or a simple one-liner. It’s a pretty good joke, I think, but also seems obvious after the fact. Surely someone else thought of this before me?

But I don’t know. I’d like it to be my creation, but it might not be. There’s a long tradition of comedians “stealing” jokes, but how can they tell if it’s a case of lightning striking twice or plagiarism? Even the light bulb was “invented” twice, separately, simultaneously.

Here are some other jokes that I believe I wrote myself (but if anyone knows any better, please let me know):

I have a 32″ vertical leap… wait, I mean inseam.

Old maid to beautiful young woman: “I bet you have to beat the men off with a stick!”     “Who needs a stick?”

I went to an anarchist gathering last week… it was very well-organized.

“Doctor, I have terrible trouble with diarrhea… what are my options?”     “Depends…”

It’s free verse for everyone else, but you have to pay.

I was lucky enough to be able to study abroad for college… her name was Samantha.

Twitter Updates

Blog Stats

  • 85,911 hits

Pages

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 109 other followers

Advertisements