One-Liners

There’s a lot of talk these days about white privilege, but if it really exists why aren’t I allowed to do my Buckwheat impression?

Morrissey walks into a bar looking sad and the bartender decides to tell him a joke to cheer him up, saying “Stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before…”

Advertisements

I Rewrite a Joke, Pretentiously

A polar bear walks into a bar and says “I’d like a rum… and coke.”

The bartender says “Sure, but what’s with the lacuna?”

The polar bear replies “I have always been a great fan of Greek poetic forms.” *

 

* Originally (as heard on CBC Radio): 

A polar bear walks into a bar and says “I’d like a rum… and coke.”

The bartender says “Sure, but what’s with the pause?”

The polar bear replies “I’ve had them all my life!”

Did I Write This Joke?

Incipient bacon

Jews aren’t allowed to eat bacon because God wants all of it for himself.

This line came to me at work today and I blurted it out, to general amusement. But I immediately started to doubt myself, thinking “did I come up with this joke on my own, or am I repeating something I heard once but forgot?”

This is the problem with jokes, or inspiration in general: how do you know you were the originator? Especially when it’s a tiny nugget of an idea or a simple one-liner. It’s a pretty good joke, I think, but also seems obvious after the fact. Surely someone else thought of this before me?

But I don’t know. I’d like it to be my creation, but it might not be. There’s a long tradition of comedians “stealing” jokes, but how can they tell if it’s a case of lightning striking twice or plagiarism? Even the light bulb was “invented” twice, separately, simultaneously.

Here are some other jokes that I believe I wrote myself (but if anyone knows any better, please let me know):

I have a 32″ vertical leap… wait, I mean inseam.

Old maid to beautiful young woman: “I bet you have to beat the men off with a stick!”     “Who needs a stick?”

I went to an anarchist gathering last week… it was very well-organized.

“Doctor, I have terrible trouble with diarrhea… what are my options?”     “Depends…”

It’s free verse for everyone else, but you have to pay.

I was lucky enough to be able to study abroad for college… her name was Samantha.