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“You May Be Right”

Friday night I crashed your dancefloor

Every day I say I’m sorry

Sunday comes and cracks me out again

I was only having pops

Now my radio show’s stopped

And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change

I called Sandro on the wiretapped phone

I walked through Doug Ford Park alone

Even drove my Escalade all-terrain

And you told me not to drive

But I made it home alive

So you said that only proves that I’m insane

You may be right

I may be crazy

But then it just may be politics you’re playing

Turn off the mics

Don’t try to quote me

I called you maggots–that’s what I know

And I know I’m right

Remember how I found you there

Streetcars messin’ up St. Clair

I called them gravy trains until you smiled

You were lonely for a man

I said “Take me as I am”

‘Cause you might enjoy some anger for awhile

Now think of all the years you tried to

Find someone to justify you

I might be the average guy you say

If I’m crazy then it’s true

That I did it all for you

And you wouldn’t want me any other way

You may be right

I may be crazy

But I just may be the hero that you’re looking for

It’s too late to fight

It’s too late to change me

You may be wrong for all I know

But I know I’m right

You may be right

I may be crazy

But it just may be a cost cowboy you’re looking for

Turn out the light

Don’t try to tape me

You may be cops for all I know

But then I’m drunk

You may be wrong but I know I’m right

You may be wrong but I know I’m right

 

—–

[with sincere apologies to Billy Joel and the people of Toronto]

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“My defence is that you’re all liars.”

“That never happened, and if it did, it was because I was drunk.”

“The kids!”

“The football players!!”

“The black football players!!!”

“Folks…”

“It’s not a conflict if I never understood the rules in the first place.”

“Err, Doug, maybe you shouldn’t… <sigh>”

“I do not understand math.”

“________? I don’t know the meaning of the word.”

“Do you wanna step outside?”

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