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America: President Trump! Did you order the Code Red?!

“Judge” Jeanine Pirro: You don’t have to answer that question!

Trump: I’ll answer the question. You want an answer?

America: I think I’m entitled to it!

Trump: You want an answer?!

America: I want the truth!!

Trump: You’re fake news! We live in a world that has walls, like in Vatican City and around Obama’s mansion, and I’m the only one who can build this wall. A beautiful wall of solid concrete, or steel or gold or whatever. Who’s gonna build it? Me! Not the failing New York Times or Nancy Pelosi or Jeff Bozo! I am a stabler genius than you can possibly fathom. You weep for MS-13 and you curse the Deplorables. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that colluding with Russia, which no one can prove and anyway it was Crooked Hillary who was colluding, probably saved lives. And my hair and spray tan and mushroom dick, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, save lives! You don’t want the truth, because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want that wall. You need that wall. We use words like “Pocahantas”, “covfefe”, “loyalty.” We use these words as the backbone of a life spent lying about everything. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the attention span to explain myself to Democrats who rise and sleep under the Trump-branded blanket (all sales final) of the very freedom that I provide, and then question the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said “thank you Mr. Trump”, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you come back to Washington, and give me $5.7 billion for this wall or steel slats or white picket fence. The real America has picket fences! Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

America: Sir, this is a Wendy’s. Did you order the Code Red?

Trump: I did the job that—-

America: Did you order the Code Red?!

Trump: I ORDERED A GODDAMN DIET COKE!

"This desk is yuge!"

“This desk is yuge!”

 

“We’re going to build that wall and make the Mexicans pay for it and when they won’t we’re going to go down to the parking lot and wrassle up some labourers and put guns in their hands and make ’em fight the Mexicans. Think of the ratings!”

“Ugh, that Queen Elizabeth sure ain’t no Melania. Look at that face! Would you pledge allegiance to that?”

“Whaddaya mean you won’t sign the treaty? It’s got the best words!”

“Public enemy number one: Megyn Kelly.”

“We’re gonna work the word ‘classy’ somewhere into the Star-Spangled Banner.”

“Announcing the new judging nomination process: Supreme Court Apprentice.”

“Immediate rendition to Guantánamo for anyone making fun of my hair or tiny hands.”

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