You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘Absurdity’ category.

knittingI’ve never lost my knitting, but I’ve been known to drop a stitch. I can do very basic sewing, and for a while when I was a kid I liked to do rug hooking. But generally I’ve stayed away from crafts. That hasn’t stopped me from coming up with punny names for craft stores.

 

 

 

  • Keep Your Knits About You
  • Eminembroidery
  • Knit Wits
  • 99 Problems But a Stitch Ain’t One
  • Sew Bee It
  • Here, Knitty Knitty Knitty!
  • Hello Doily!
  • Auntie Macassar
  • At My Knit’s End
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Alimony
Palimony
Parsimony
Mony Mony

Billy Idolatry

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national league eastNew York Mets – In what seems to be a New York tradition, with basketball’s Knicks being short for “Knickerbockers,” football’s Jets having evolved from “Jetsams,” and hockey’s Rangers shortening their name from “Rangerettes” in 1962, baseball’s Mets team name is really the Metropolitans, which is about as hard to fit on a jersey as “Saltalamacchia.” But the full name is also avoided because of its association with the sort of stuffy, pretentious, and pedantic New Yorkers portrayed in Whit Stillman’s 1990 film Metropolitan, who are much more likely to be Yankees fans.

Atlanta Braves – This is the only team name in Major League Baseball with no negative associations. Absolutely nothing offensive here… what’s that? The “Tomahawk Chop”? <cringes>

Philadelphia Phillies – Most people assume that the name “Phillies” is simply a diminutive for the city in which they play, but most people are wrong, so very, very wrong. Philadelphia may be the City of Brotherly Love, but it’s always been a union town, top to bottom. In their early history, the Phillies played second fiddle to the Athletics and struggled to succeed on the field and at the turnstiles. Looking for any edge, while at the same time always trying to keep costs low, the team excelled at locking out any player who even hinted at holding out for more money, and filling their roster spot with strikebreakers. In 1887, the team fielded an entire team of “fill-ins,” who may have been horrible players, but cost very little. The nickname stuck, eventually evolving into “Phillies,” and losing its connection with scab labour.

Miami Marlins – As the nascent United States expanded and sought to exert its control over the North American continent, one of its most frequent opponents were the various Native tribes that predated the arrival of European settlers, including the Seminoles in the area that was to become Florida. Young and inexperienced soldiers made up the bulk of the troops sent to pacify the newly-acquired territory, and they were particularly brutal, especially the infantry, many of whom were accused of zealously bayoneting their opponents, even in cold blood as they kneeled to surrender. Similarly, the modern Marlins baseball team is known to steal signs.

Washington Nationals – Although Washington, D.C. had a long, if not proud, baseball tradition (“first in war, first in peace, last in the American League” aptly describes the futility of the city’s teams), the city had been without a Major League team since the Senators left in the 1970s. Although there was general excitement at the prospect of the return of the national pastime to the nation’s capital, it came at a time of rising xenophobia and protectionism, and many fans were less than impressed that the team chosen to represent Washington would be a foreign import: Montréal’s struggling Expos. The decision to ignore history and name the relocated team “Nationals”–rather than the historic “Senators”–has led many disillusioned fans to decry their team as “Foreign Nationals” and “Immigrants in the Ootfield” (an inaccurate and unfunny attempt to make fun of supposed Canadian accents), particularly when they’ve struggled to win games.

Why is there something rather than nothing?

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

Why are so many people such assholes?

Do guys pee on the toilet seat at home as well?

Who cleans up after them?

Do they make someone else do it?

Or do they just sit in it, like the disgusting pigs that they are?

 

Andy Dick Hard with a Vengeance

An Andy Dick Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

Tora! Tora! Andy Dick!

Every Which Way But Andy Dick

The Empire Strikes Andy Dick

12 Years an Andy Dick

There Will Be Andy Dick

From Andy Dick to Eternity

Eyes Andy Dick Shut / Eyes Wide Andy Dick

Shawn of the Andy Dick

Pork Her and Bess

Fanny Girl

Starlight Undress

Submitted by atandt:

Whacking in the Park with George

All That Jizz

West Siiiide Story

Gentlemen Prefer Bondage

Les Jizzerables

Everybody Says I Bang You

The Hummer-brellas of Cherbourg

Miss Suckon

Submitted by Fabrication Generation:

The Lion Cunt

Little Shot of Horror

Pimp and Circumstance

Fanfare for the Common Ho

Rap-city in Blue

Flight of the Bumble B-boy

Night on Ballin’ Mountain

Cosi Fan Booty

Claire de Poon

Einstein on the Bee-yotch

Will.I.Am Tell Overture

Sean John Giovanni

Ho-lero

Gold Teeth Variations

Submitted by atandt:

Ill Pagliacci

A’ight-a

Pop-Lock-me

Dance of the Sugah Plum Smugglas

Firearms, Sweet!

Peer Gimp

Ballero

L.A.. Traviata

Submitted by Fabrication Generation:

Claire de Ludacris

Submitted by Lynn:

Da Bros in My Cavalier

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