The first in a series of posts in which I question the veracity, quality, and sincerity of classic television theme songs.











1) Hey Laverne and Shirley, if you never heard the word “impossible” how can you sing about it, huh?

2) “Burned your breakfast–so far things are going great!” A little sunnier outlook first thing in the morning might lead to a more positive day, Friends. Could you be more sarcastic?

3) That Peanut Gallery really leaves something to be desired, Howdy Doody. Half of those kids are off-key, lots seem to barely know the words, and don’t even get me started on singing in sync. It’s no wonder that these are the kids who went on to be hippies, die in Viet Nam, and vote for Reagan in the 80s. I hope you’ve done a lot of searching in that little wooden heart of yours, Doody ol’ pal. America was built on discipline, not the kind of anarchy embodied in this sloppy tune.