It was revealed today through confidential sources that Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper frequently prorogues his own orgasms in an effort to prolong lovemaking sessions and to control the sexual agenda between he and his wife, Laureen.

“There are typically two ways that Prime Ministers can prorogue their orgasms,” according to constitutional sexpert Aubrey St. John-Smythe-Smith, “One, called the ‘withdrawal’ method, in which the sitting member simply refrains from entering the… if you will, ‘house’ until such time as he is ready to begin again the thrust and parry of debate, and two, colloquially known as ‘thinking about hockey’, used when certain sensitive issues have come to a head, where the Prime Minister refuses to contemplate the issues at hand, waiting instead for the moment when sensitivity decreases and he may once again dive full-force into the house, bringing both he and the house to a satisfactory climax.”

While critics are accusing the Prime Minister of abusing the trust of voters, being selfish, and delaying the inevitable, supporters point out that he is entirely in his rights to prorogue orgasms.  “The role of the Prime Minister today is much more robust and virile than it used to be, and the Canadian people expect their leader to take a commanding position in Parliament, as well as the bedroom.  Although the Governor General traditionally has the power to deny prorogue, this is no longer done in practice, as the Governor General has become largely a ceremonial position, and must be content to be a mere spectator as the Prime Minister takes the lead, sets the pace, and maps out the crucial decision to come,” explains a spokesman for the Prime Minister’s Office.  “This is nothing new: proroguing has been done by nearly all of our Prime Ministers, hundreds of times… except King, of course.”

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