A recent nation-wide poll, the first of its kind, has revealed details behind many of the seemingly-innocuous but time-consuming activities in which Canadians engage on a daily basis.  In an unusual move for such polls, its conductors are explicitly passing judgement on the activities.  “We felt we had to drop our professional objectivity in this case, because the data we collected quite simply scared us to death,” pronounced lead pollster Amos Pigginson.  “Consider this poll a warning, Canadians: you are wasting your lives away.”  Some of the startling results are listed below.

Over the course of a lifetime, the average Canadian spends:

2 years arguing about how this year the Leafs will win the Stanley Cup for sure,

10 months huddled in a fetal position or puking into a toilet bowl after another Leafs loss,

3 months adding “u” to words like “labor” and “favor”,

1 month correcting other Canadians who spell “centre” as “center” or “cheque” as “check”,

2 weeks grinding their teeth upon hearing a fellow Canadian pronounce “schedule” as “sheh-jool”,

1 week watching television commercials for shows like Being Erica and Wild Roses that they will never ever watch,

3 days gaping in incredulity that Americans on Jeopardy! can’t identify a single Canadian province,

5 minutes reading blogs that make up statistics in an attempt at humour.

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