DoctorIn the most comprehensive survey of medical doctors in Canada in years, an overwhelming 80% sent a clear message: let’s stop including the other 20% in our surveys.  “Whether it’s which brand of aspirin to take, which athlete’s foot powder to use, or which drug to take to alleviate the crippling pain of chronic fingernail growth, most doctors are pretty much in agreement… all of us, that is, except ‘5’, who just insists on going against the grain.  The fifth doctor never agrees with us, so it’s always “4 out of 5 doctors recommend”, which is a good solid majority, don’t get me wrong, but in the medical profession, sometimes 80% just isn’t convincing enough,” says Doctor #3, who wished to remain anonymous.  “How would you like to hear your doctor say, ‘I’m 80% sure this is the right treatment?'” adds Doctor #4.  “This fifth doctor is killing our credibility.”  Including only doctors whose shared opinions are what we really want to hear anyway would send a clear signal about the efficacy of various medications, pharmaceutical company creations, and corporate-endorsed treatments, doctors agree.  “If a commercial during NCIS told you that 4 out of 4–that’s 100%!–doctors agree that this is the right drug to ask your doctor about if you’re experiencing vague symptoms that we’re very careful not to attribute to any specific ailment–very careful–wouldn’t that put your mind at ease?” purred Doctor #3.

Note: Doctors #1 and #2 would not respond to numerous requests for interviews.